Stage Fright

I had no idea what came over me, today we had rehearsals for the talent show. They were figuring out the audio and lights and everybody had to run through their act as if it was the real deal. I watched everyone before me go and I was so amazed at how amazing they all were. When it came to my turn I started to shake and even though I couldn’t see anybody because the spotlight was so bright I didn’t know why my adrenaline was rushing so fast. My throat started to get dry and I tried as hard as I could to calm down but it didn’t work. At one point of the song my voice croaked and I broke down crying and ran off the stage. I was so disappointed in myself because I had given up and ran away. Everybody could tell that I was nervous. Some of my friends came to comfort me and told me to try one more time. It felt so terrifying being up there and I couldn’t imagine how others seemed so relaxed. It was my first time singing alone on a stage and I never expected it to be this frightening.

May 16th 2012

Planning to lay down the books and do some hardcore homework/studying! It’s almost the end of the year and I’m starting to slack D: I have missing assignments and I have to take tests/quizzes that I’ve missed. djsiafdgshfaghrge also, I have projects and papers with extra things for my youth group that I said I would do. I can’t wait until I’m done with everything and I can just relax. Hopefully my boyfriend can come over today to help me and keep me on task >_< rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight.*drools*

Anonymous asked: Just wanted to say.. If you cant really forgive yourself.. then who will? People make mistakes, big and small. Dont live in the past and move forward with him. And if he doesn't forgive you.. then why are you guys together? Realizing your mistakes is a step to changing. Hurt is always part of any type of relationship; Friends, Family, Lover. Its just gonna happen. Posting about it might help you feel better.. or worse but will it really help solve the problem?

Well I know I have a lot of problems with myself and I’m still having trouble figuring out who I am. We’re together because I know that in time he will forgive me. If things were constantly going downhill I would’ve left a long time ago because I would’ve realize that we weren’t going to work out. But it’s the moments of hope and happiness that keep us together. Sure it may sound cheesy and whatnot but I believe in myself and him that we can fix things without leaving each other. I know that relationships build off of a foundation and me and my boyfriend just need to make our foundation stronger so that in the future, previous mistakes will not be repeated. I know that posting about it on Tumblr doesn’t really solve anything but I just like to type how I felt at that moment.

I am happy (:

I was so sure that I wasn’t going to make it before and I had HUGE doubts because I knew that there were a lot of people better than me. But in the end all of my hard work paid off and I made it into the talent show! I never thought that I would get an opportunity like this to show the people at my school that I’m not just the weird quiet girl but I’m the girl that loves to sing. The talent show is on May 25th @ Shakopee High School, Admission is $5. Come if you can and support me because I’m going to be a nervous wreck! xD

My own fault.

Everything that is wrong is because of myself. I’m the only reason why things are so effed up. It’s my own stupid decisions that make me so miserable. I am unhappy because of the mistake I’ve done. I’m in pain because of my selfishness and stubbornness. I want to change but I seem to keep making these mistakes. My knuckles are purple because I can’t control myself. And now I’m all alone and I don’t know what to do because I have driven him away.

Just got home from the movies w/ Babe & Devon. Saw Dark Shadows and ehh it was alright. Not as funny as I expected it to be but it was an interesting story. I would never pass up a Johnny Depp movie <3

May 11th, 2012

Today after school I auditioned for my high school talent show and I couldn’t figure out why I was so freaked out about it. My hands were trembling and I really hoped that nobody saw that I was going to explode from the adrenaline rush going through my body. I think it’s because this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this before. A couple of days before my audition I was so intimidated by this other girl that sang for auditions that I felt like I was no compare to her and I didn’t want to audition anymore because I thought, what’s the point? Also, hearing that about 30 people auditioned and only 10 could get in made me even more terrified. I started to fill my mind with negative thoughts and it just broke me down one by one. But like always, I had people that love me push me to do it. And I’m glad I did. I got through the hardest step and I’m not having high hopes or anything.

But.. When I got home later I went on facebook and got a notification of a photo from my school’s page. There was a photo of a white board with names on them and mine was one of them so I’m really hoping that that is the list that made it >_< I guess I don’t really care anymore if I get in or not, I’m just happy that I actually did something.